don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My ass is underappreciated
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
