We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
