my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
