speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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