my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Drake has all the answers
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize