I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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