Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
