I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
