3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
