Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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