help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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