I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
