I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You can't just leave with hair like that
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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