you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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