i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
please come you make the beer taste better
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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