I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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