I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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