you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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