Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
