It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
