btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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