he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
