Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
