I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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