You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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