Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
