My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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