Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
