If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
