went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
