why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
