New invention idea: vibrating tampons
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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