so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
