I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
