I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize