We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Houston, we have a squirter
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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