YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
