Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
