you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
