So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
