Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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