If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Is Oprah even human
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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