What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize