he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
