i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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