i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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