trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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