You're my little dorito
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize