dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
