Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize