We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
