This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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