I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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