pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
