New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
