yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
