make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
