So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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