I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
