I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
