i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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