This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize