I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
