Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
