is your mom at the bar?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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