All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
