May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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