Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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