so explain again why im purple
no
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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