The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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