I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
