Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
time to smoke my breakfast
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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