youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
