i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
