Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
