apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize