Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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