Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
