Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
