I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
