she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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