okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
