i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
