I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
