two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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